enlightenment

I've only just begun to realise the changes that I've gone through since I've been here. I don't mean true enlightenment.. I couldn't be that arrogant. I am a long way from that. But I have been infinitely 'lightened' .... many weights have lifted. And without me even noticing them leaving. My life in LA was good... don't get me wrong... but I was always worried about something... and had an inner sadness that I couldn't shake. Now, I just seem to feel peaceful. I don't 'want' for things like I used to. I wasn't materialistic, for sure... but I usually had a few things I would think about and wish I could buy. Now I don't think of that at all.... no wants at all. I see so many things in the stores and am not interested. All the kinds of things I used to buy. No need... just pretty to look at ...but they can stay where they are thankyouverymuch. How curious... how interesting.

And as far as worries go... I was 'always' worried... secretly weighed down by the things that I just had no control over but controlled my life. What would happen at work.. my visa.. my green card... my disastrous lovelife... worry worry worry. Now? I just have an innate sense that all will work out fine.... I'm where I am supposed to be.. and hence things are going to happen as they should. Now *that's* a tune I haven't played in my life before. Not sure who this new being is... but I welcome it... peace and calm. That's it, isn't it.

Yesterday was Holi... the festival of colours. I didn't get to celebrate it myself sadly.... my friends were all saying it was too dangerous as the colours are really bad for the skin.... and I kept seeing that on tv too. I really wanted to be out there throwing powder and getting covered in it though. But I watched from my apartment window and enjoyed from afar. Later as I walked along the street by my building in search of my favourite tiny bananas, I passed many people all covered in mostly pink and some silver and wet from head to foot. There was a pretty crazed and out-of-it look in their eyes... and my guess is it was bhang... which is basically a pure form of marijuana mostly put in milk or lassi or something like that. The government turns a blind eye to it on Holi and it's given to everyone... even kids and the elderly... everyone! Hehehe... only in India eh? My friends say they will give me some.... but not on a weekday! ;)